What Is That Sound?

That is the sound of my plans flying out the window. I know there are some great sayings about 'the best laid plans' and such. It has been nothing short of interesting here this past week. I'll give you all a quick update.

Bear- is back in school. Sophomore year at college. Things are going well except for she missed the deadline for her financial aid. She will still get it but not for six weeks.

LuLu- is tired of the 6th grade but has discovered that boys (one in particular) are less icky than they were in 5th grade. We are also discovering that she is taking about twice as long to get ready to go to school in the mornings.

KiKi- Ah, KiKi. Where do I start. She has a new obsession. The telephone. Earlier I looked over and she had a cell phone on one ear and a land line on the other ear. It is mildly amusing.

Our House- The realtor told me today that an offer is being written tonight for it. We are very hopeful that it will be an offer that we can't refuse.

Angel- This is the big news. Angel showed me her newest possession on Sunday. It is an engagement ring. I about fell over dead. I came back to my senses and then almost fell over once again when she told me that they are planning the wedding for December of this year. Gasp.

I'm thinking my new plan will be not to make any more plans for a while.

Planning

I have mentioned once or twice (probably more) that I am a planner. I like to know what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. Surrogacy has shown me that I can't plan for everything. It has been a hard lesson to learn. I have discovered recently that I passed my planning traits on to my two oldest girls.
While Bear was visiting here a few weeks ago she shared with me her lists and planning journal. She says that the planning helps her with her full schedule (full time college student, part time employee at two different jobs). Growing up she says all of my lists and plans used to drive her crazy but now she understands them more. I showed her my newest obsession My Home Management Binder (it looks something like this but not nearly as nice). Bear liked it so much she made herself one! She rents a room from my parents and they include her food in that so she really doesn't have a home to manage at the moment but I love that she is thinking ahead for when she does. I do worry a little that my small case of OCD has affected her too.
Angel is also doing some planning. She is getting ready to move to an apartment in the city (just under two hours away) with two room mates. Yesterday we talked lots about her plans. She has made her budget plan and a general plan for things they need. Of course, planning a budget is a challenge when you do not yet have a job. (She has an interview today, so hoping that goes well). She is also working on a menu plan. She is a vegetarian and she tends to eat the same things over and over. She knows how to cook a few meals but doesn't expand much beyond that. I have started her a little cookbook so I'm hoping that helps her. And she made my day when she asked me if I could take her grocery shopping. I think though that her first shopping trip will be my cupboards since she hinted that they are very full and I really don't need all that food anyway. uh huh.
Joe and I are working on some plans too. Our house has been on the market for two weeks, we have closed on our Wyoming property, and we are planning for the birth of Baby. We are very much focusing on the Baby. Next month we are going down for the regular OB appointment and then we are going to have a 3D ultrasound done. We are also hoping sometime (maybe November) to be able to get some professional photos done with J. So much going on. It is very exciting!

Baby Thoughts

I have been thinking alot about what could happen when Baby grows up. As I have mentioned we are planning on having a 100% disclosure policy as far as the surrogacy goes. We plan on it just being a part of his life to know about J and J's child (his sister). We won't live nearby but still hope to see each other often (just like seeing the rest of our family) and we will share pictures and video's. We want them to know Baby and Baby to know them. Even with all of that I still have a small fear that when he grows up he will be angry at us for this. That he will be angry that Joe and I 'convinced' his mother (J) to give him up for us. That he will be angry at J for giving him up.
J and I talked about this very thing earlier in the week. We are very hopeful that by always making his origins known that it will help with any feelings that he has. Joe, J and I will always be there for him. The three of us are in this together.

OB Appointment

J had her regular OB appointment today. Her doc does an ultrasound at each appointment. Everything looks perfect. The baby is good sized (1 pound 10 ounces) and measuring just right. J is also in perfect health. She got the order she had been waiting for (dreading) today. The order to take the Glucose Tolerance Test. Yum. That stuff tastes so good (I'm lying) that I'm sure she will want to take a bottle of it home with her. I can remember that foul tasting orange stuff like it was yesterday. Poor J.

My Children and Surrogacy

When Joe and I first became serious about doing surrogacy we talked with each of my girls individually in an age appropriate manner. The responses were slightly varied. Bear, my oldest, thought is was a great idea. Angel, my second girl, said something along the lines of "that's fine I'm almost an adult and will be moving out soon so I won't hear the baby cry all the time". Coming from Angel that was an affirmative response. KiKi and LuLu were very excited about the idea of having a baby sister from the beginning. It never occurred to either of them coming from a home of four girls that the baby could end up being a brother. As I mentioned, we explained surrogacy to each of them in a way that we hoped they would understand. I could give more medical style details to the older two. The younger two know about sperm and eggs. All four know that this baby is from J's egg and that J is the biological mom and that J's child is also going to be a sister to the new baby.

Things have went pretty well as far as my girls are concerned. Bear is hoping that the baby will be born on her birthday (7 days before our estimated due date), Angel who always tries to be so tough and act like she could care less has been buying the baby clothes and bibs and socks, KiKi also loves to buy things for the baby and even spends her own money on it (at 13 she doesn't have much money). LuLu had a little mini melt down when we found out that the baby is a boy. She was actually pretty upset about it for a couple of days. Apparently she is under the assumption that since he is a baby boy he will pee on her on a regular basis. hmmmm. LuLu finally got over the fact that he is a boy. When we talk about the baby everyone calls him "our" Baby. This has truly been something that we have all been through as a family. During the entire time we cycled the girls would ask, are 'we' pregnant yet?

Things have been so good that I was surprised when the other day LuLu came to me and in a very serious voice (for an 11 year old) said "Mom, there is something I need to talk to you about. But I want to make sure that I tell you it the right way. So I'll talk to you about it tomorrow when I can get my words put together". I'm thinking "wow, when did my little girl grow up so much?" And then, "uh oh, what is wrong". So the next day she says she is ready to talk. She said that she was afraid that since we were having a new baby boy that Joe and I were starting a new life without her and KiKi. That we would like the boy better than them. To say my heart broke hearing those words would be an understatement.

LuLu and Joe and I talked for a very long time. LuLu had really thought out her side of the conversation very well. She asked lots of very good questions. One of her questions was for Joe. She asked him if he didn't love her and KiKi enough if that is why he wanted his own child. Joe surprised me with his answer. He said "It is because of you and KiKi and how much I love you that I want another child. I never knew what I was missing before."

LuLu's next concern was that she couldn't think of the baby as her 'real' brother. That she would have to call him a half brother or a step brother. So I have to admit that this was a harder question for me to answer. The entire 'title thing' confuses me a little bit as I mentioned in this post. If it gets confusing to me then I would imagine an 11 year old might find it a little confusing. I was able to explain to her in a way that I think she understood. We are doing a Pre Birth Order (PBO). With a PBO my name will go directly on the birth certificate as the Mother. I showed LuLu her birth certificate where it says Mother and showed her my name. I let her know that on the babies birth certificate my name will be in the same spot. She seemed to be pretty happy with that answer and decided 'Just Brother" will work as opposed to step brother or anything else. I personally have mixed feelings about the PBO but for my little LuLu I was happy that we have that option and that I could explain it to her in a way that made sense to her. After that she was obviously quite pleased with the way the conversation went and decided to help us with our Baby Name Saga. She came up with some good ones.


Using surrogacy as an option to add to our family I knew that there would be some challenges. That we would have new emotions/thoughts/feelings to deal with. I know that I don't have all the answers to things that might come up. There will be things that I can't 'fix'. But I truly believe that by discussing our thoughts and feelings instead of keeping them bottled up inside we can accomplish more and it brings us closer together.

Beach Bums

We went to the beach today. Sadly Bear had to leave yesterday and I just didn't feel like hanging around this house. It is only about half an hour to the beach so a very easy trip. We did something we don't usually do, we took our dogs. Rio our lab mix loved it. Chewy our Chihuahua loved it. Lucky our foster dog Chihuahua didn't love it. I think that sand and the walking part bothered Lucky. He is a super small little dog who doesn't really walk, he prances. He is living with us temporarily while one of my friends is setting up a place for him. This temporary thing has been going on a while now. He moved in with us last December. Secretly, I would like him to stay forever but don't tell Joe (wink,wink). The Beach here tends to be on the cold and windy side. Today was not the norm. It was beautiful. Almost warm and breezy. We had a good time.

Today our surro is 23 weeks. Time is moving right along. Her OB appointment that was on Friday had to be rescheduled so she goes in on Wednesday. We are still working on our Baby name. Boy names are sure hard.

I am feeling ready for this week. The house looks pretty nice for the Realtor Open on Wednesday- of course, I'll do the Tuesday night super clean to make sure all looks good. I have my menu plan in place for the week. I didn't follow the plan as good last week as I should have. This week I hope to do better. Joe has been dieting. He has lost 13 pounds so far. I have not been dieting. I should but I don't have the ambition for it right now. Maybe someday.

I get the night off!

No cooking for me tonight. Joe is making burgers. I have to admit that I am almost giddy about the idea of him doing dinner.

Bear and I had a great time in town yesterday. I didn't end up buying anything for the house but I did get some great cloth diapers for the baby and a cow print diaper cover. I also found some scrap booking stuff on Clearance. I haven't made much progress on my scrap books but I have the backgrounds started. I just recently got a digital camera. Up to now I have been using either a cell phone camera or a film camera. The film camera makes things a little more challenging in the computer world but is good for the scrap book stuff- if I remember to get the film developed. I am not sure just how many rolls of film that I need to get developed but I know there are a few. I have a slight procrastination problem. Oops.

Burgers are ready! I'm off.

Update: How do you like my new background? It was absolutely free and simple enough to load that even I could do it.

Friday!

The play was pretty good. It was very long though. We didn't get home until 11. The girls didn't seem too tired this morning but I hate keeping them out that late. One of the things about the play is that everyone is encouraged to throw popcorn at the villains. We were setting in the front so there was lots of popcorn thrown around. At the end of the play the villains get their revenge and throw popcorn back at the audience. KiKi and LuLu loved the popcorn part of the play. I'm glad we went to see the play but once will for sure be enough.

Just a few small projects to do this weekend. I'm painting the front porch and the kitchen door besides that just the ongoing cleaning stuff. I'm leaving work early this afternoon to take Bear to town for some girl time. There are tons of old junk stores here that we want to hit. I am on strict orders to not purchase items that are big due to our upcoming move. Haha... silly man. If I find the perfect (insert whatever) then how could I possibly pass it up?

Have looked at my little baby ticker lately? Isn't he cute!? Sometimes I visit my blog just to watch the baby ticker bounce around. Is that weird?

We are getting closer and closer to double digits. I spend alot of time imagining what he will look like. J is such a beautiful woman and Joe was such a cute baby and in my opinion a super handsome man. Here see for yourself. What do you think?

That is my cute husband at the Portland Rose Test Garden. He looks good standing around all those flowers. Very manly.

I'm thinking the combination of the two of them will make a super cute baby.

J and I don't really look alike. We are both similar in height but that is about it. When we were looking for a TS though it wasn't a requirement for her to look like me. We were looking totally for personality and stability. I know that it is pretty common to have a list of ideals for picking a surrogate. We didn't have that list. But I have to admit that I don't really feel like we picked J. I don't think she really picked us either. It just kind of worked out that we ended up doing this spectacular thing together. I don't think that I could have found anyone better to share this with. J has even been kind enough to share some of her pregnancy symptoms with me (I had another stinking leg cramp that woke me up last night- haven't had those since I was pregnant myself with LuLu but I've been getting them all the time since J got pregnant) and apparently I look pregnant according to some lady in town two days ago and the FedEx lady (thanks ladies!). Of course, J gets all the really fun pregnancy stuff (not). Yesterday she told me she is 'waddling' around. That makes me laugh. According to my baby update thing the baby weighs a full pound now and is about 10 inches long. No wonder she is waddling! He is getting to be a big guy. I am a little nervous for J about how big he will end up being at birth. Since both Joe and his brother were big babies (Joe was just under 10 pounds and his brother was just under 11 pounds) I have a slight fear that those big baby genes will take over and Baby will be HUGE. Unlikely, though. J has not had abnormally large babies.

Other things on my mind today...

Our house. The realtor came and took more photos last night after our new project completions. I am so impressed with how the listing looks on line and hope that the new pictures make it look even better. We thought we were having a showing yesterday but that didn't pan out. Realtor open house is next Wednesday. I don't really expect too much action on the house before that. And then maybe not even after. We are 19 miles east of the nearest real town. I wonder how many Realtors will even show up. We'll see. One thing kind of on our side is that there are no houses for sale in our little area. One thing against us is even though we live in the country we do not have acreage. We live on just over 1/3 of an acre. The land was originally part of a larger homestead but our 1/3 of an acre was donated to a church. So other than chickens and a small garden we are not any kind of 'farmers'. Hopefully there is someone out there looking for a house in the country with no land.

Tonight we go to the play. That should be fun. Bear is only staying a couple of more days. She is leaving Saturday. I have very much enjoyed having her here. Angel is getting ready to move out. She has an apartment in Portland with two roommates. She is looking for a job there and once she has something she will move. I'm happy for her that she is taking this step but sad at the same time. Watching my girls grow up has been wonderful but there are so many times when I want to slow it down. It doesn't seem possible that they are so old. I still see them in my mind as little girls. Now they are women developing their own lives. And KiKi and LuLu are right behind them. It won't be long until they are grown up too. Let's not even think about Baby growing up!

What's in a name?

EVERYTHING!

We thought we had the perfect name picked out for the baby. But now we are wavering. We are sticking with the middle name that we had but rethinking the first name. Turns out that while both Joe and I like the name we each thought that the other one loved it when in fact neither of us love it we both just like it (got that?). So... we are back to the drawing board. We are sort at a holding point right now on the choice. We have a few we like but are totally open to new options. Suggestions are welcome!

Summer's Here!

Finally, we have something resembling summer weather. Yes, it is September. But the last few days have been hot. Today is cooler but still very warm and dry. Looking at the weather forecast it is supposed to remain this way through the weekend.

Thursday night we are going to our local melodrama “Shanghaied” which should be a lot of fun. We have never gone before even though it has been playing for something like 20 years. With Bear visiting it seemed like a good time to go. Especially since she is a theatre major and very much enjoys plays and such.

The realtor is coming back tomorrow night to do some additional listing pictures. I have been looking at lots of decorating web sites and blogs and have some ideas for staging. This part seems like it should be fun but it scares me a bit. I'm not good at decorating. Things never seem to look right when I put them together. I love cottage style looks but can't figure out how to translate those into real life. That will be my task for tonight. Attempt to make my house look like a "Model Home". Model homes sport dog hair, right?

An Exciting Day!

Our house goes on the market today. I would say it is about 95% ready to show. Tonight we will finish up a couple of things. I truly wonder how I will keep it looking good all the time. And of course, the dog has decided now would be a very good time to shed. Aren't they supposed to do that in the spring time? Shouldn't he be getting some heavy winter coat now instead of losing it? sigh.

We got some other great news a few days ago. We had been looking at a piece of land in Wyoming. We made an offer on it at the end of July which was rejected. We made a second offer last week and it was accepted! We are scheduled to close on it before the end of this month. Super fast deal. It is 2 acres with a well and a septic in place and power/phone to the lot line. Our plan is to either build or move on a modular. The catch. We will have to move to Wyoming before the house is completed. We will be 'roughing it' in our camp trailer. Should make for a fun time. The plan is not to move until spring so at least we won't have any weather issues to worry about. I have been studying lots of "Off Grid Living" type blogs for ideas on how to be more comfortable during the camp trailer time. I am amazed at how ingenious people can be. They have given me some very good ideas.

Our new property has an amazing view which makes it a little easier to give up the amazing view I have now. The picture above is the view. See that mountain? That is Casper Mountain. I thought we would only have prairie there so I was quite happy to find a piece of property that looked at a mountain. Okay, so it isn't as big as the mountains I'm used to. But it'll do! Lots of fun things to do on that mountain too. A nice little ski area, cross country ski trails, hiking, fishing, camping. All good things. A few miles from our new property is a river and a park with a boat launch. We are pretty sure hubby's boat is too big for that little river but a smaller boat would work. The same river has some great man made rapids for kayak's and tubes in the town of Casper plus we are told the fishing in the river is very good. And less than an hour east is a nice big lake perfect for more fishing or for water skiing. My goal once we get relocated is to convince Joe that he would much rather have a water skiing boat and a small fishing than a big fishing boat. Wish me luck on that one (here is where I need a winking smilie). But in my mind it is a good deal. Two boats in place of one! What's not to like about that idea?

Nothing Much

My computer is still at the shop. I am on Bear's laptop. I don't know why it is so hard for me to work this mouse like item on this laptop but it sure is. I cause myself great frustration trying to navigate. I planned on getting me a laptop when we move but now I'm rethinking that idea. Bear tells me I can hook a regular mouse to it though so with that option maybe I'll be okay.

Here we are working on the house again. It goes on the market tomorrow. As I sit here typing the place is in a shambles. Hopefully we can get everything done today that needs to be done. It is all little stuff but those little things sure add up. I'm sure Bear was quite happy to come for a visit and discover how much there is to do here. She actually did seem happy when Joe told her that he would pay her to paint the kitchen! She'll finish it today. It looks wonderful. I do not enjoy painting but I have to do quite a bit of it myself today. ICK. I had best get to it.

Titles

I don't usually get to hung up on titles. But in the surrogacy world titles are very common. Panties get in big wads due to titles.



I know that it is very common for a surrogate to be given the title of "Auntie" after the baby is born. For me though I have never been comfortable with the idea of J being called "Auntie J". It just sits wrong with me. In the first place she will not be the babes aunt. She is the biological mother. Not an aunt. As part of our 100% disclosure policy I don't feel that it is honest to call her Aunt J. I know that there are plenty of people that call family friends Aunt or Uncle so maybe thinking of it that way I could see calling her Aunt. Or if she was a gestational surrogate then maybe. But it is so important to us not to 'muddy the waters'. We have so many people involved in this, the baby, J's child, my children it seems to me that the clearer things are kept the better.



So that has been my thinking on it. However, to tell you the truth I have put off having the 'title conversation' with J. If she told me she wanted to be known as Auntie J then that is what we would do. I finally decided a few days ago that it was time for that chat. Turns out she is not too keen on being called Aunt J either. So what do we call her?



The reality is that because of our wanting to be honest she should probably be given a title of Mommy J or something like that. BUT I CAN'T. I just can't do that. I want to be the mommy. I want to be the only mommy. J knows this and agrees. So our plan is to just call her by her first name. In some ways I feel a little bad about that. I feel like I need to take this honesty thing all the way. That I should be the one called by my first name and J should be called mommy. But then I think that could make even more of a mess of things. I will be the one caring for him day in and day out. I will be the one there to kiss his owies, to take him to his first day of school, to give him the sex talk, it's all on me (with Joe's help, of course).



So I guess our 100% disclosure policy has a small flaw in it. Will our baby get confused by calling J's child his sister but that J isn't called his mom? I admit that I get confused thinking of all this a little bit. We have time though to work it all out. Considering that he isn't even born yet. This is unknown territory for us. I'm not sure that we can do everything exactly right. We can just do the best we can day in and day out.

First Day of School

KiKi and LuLu have finally returned to school. The first day of school is always so exciting. But as LuLu put it in a week she will be ready for winter break. Such a realist! They are so old. KiKi is in 8th grade and LuLu is in 6th. They looked so beautiful and grown up this morning. Where did my little girls go? The young ladies that left my house this morning were barely recognizable. Sigh.

Bear (my oldest) is here and we are enjoying our visit. She is even doing some contract work here at my place of employment so I get her full time with me. Yeah!!

21 weeks!

We are now 21 weeks 2 days. Time is flying by. I am sad that we won't be able to go down for the next OB appointment. Joe needs to have a root canal and has to take some time off for that instead of our baby appointment. Don't Joe's teeth know better than to give him trouble now? I could go down by myself but the idea of a 12+ hour drive on my own is not appealing. I'm still considering it but not sure I'll do it.

Now that we are more than half way we have started thinking about things like when to go down and wait for the baby to come. Baby is due January 10th so right now we are thinking of going down around New Years. Of course, we will change that plan if the doctor says come earlier. We are a little concerned about Joe's work giving him time off. He works for a small company and they do not have to follow the FMLA law (too few employees). So far they have been wonderful about giving a day off here and there when we need it but a few of weeks off may be an issue. There is the possibility that Joe will not be able to stay down with me while we wait for the baby. There is a chance that he will miss the birth. We know that and we don't like it but in the end it will be okay. My work is okay with me going especially since I am hiring a part timer to cover the phones for me and I can do all the computer stuff remotely.

I'm now on count down to pumping. As I have mentioned I am inducing lactation. I have been taking the medication (Domperidone) since June. And my intent is to begin pumping on October 10th. I'll also add a couple of herbs then (fenugreek and blessed thistle) and increase my oatmeal consumption. With the domp, the pumping, the herbs and the oatmeal my hope is that I'll be able to provide most of the milk that the baby will need. I breastfed successfully before so the rumor is that it may be easier for me to induce lactation then if I hadn't. I'm still going to order a Supplemental Nursing System or a Lactaid. Worse case scenario, Inducing Lactation is a bust and we switch over to bottles and formula.

We have been getting our baby gear together. We still need a car seat and more cloth diapers. I have been buying up baby clothes like there is no tomorrow. According to Joe our baby can wear a different outfit every day and instead of washing I can just throw them away. haha. Joe's a funny guy. And Cyn if you are reading we got one of those baby bouncer things you recommended. Thanks for that.