I have been thinking alot about what could happen when Baby grows up. As I have mentioned we are planning on having a 100% disclosure policy as far as the surrogacy goes. We plan on it just being a part of his life to know about J and J's child (his sister). We won't live nearby but still hope to see each other often (just like seeing the rest of our family) and we will share pictures and video's. We want them to know Baby and Baby to know them. Even with all of that I still have a small fear that when he grows up he will be angry at us for this. That he will be angry that Joe and I 'convinced' his mother (J) to give him up for us. That he will be angry at J for giving him up.
J and I talked about this very thing earlier in the week. We are very hopeful that by always making his origins known that it will help with any feelings that he has. Joe, J and I will always be there for him. The three of us are in this together.
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Smiley B!
14 years ago
8 comments:
My mother, whose adopted child, was angry at her for everything, this was the least what I got angry about. It was usually the perceived slight and my adoption filled in the holes in my thinking. In other words your son will get angry at you, like all children get angry with their parents, and he will also know that this *adoption button* will either work or not. It worked with my mother, but I could have just as easily come up with something else that would inspire enough guilt for me to get my way. So I am really hoping that if I never make it a big deal my child will not use it against me.
Jaymee,
That is what we are hoping too. If it is just a part of his life then it will not be a point to take issue with. With my girls they can find PLENTY of reasons to get angry at me anyway. lol
I think as long as you are open and honest about everything than it can only have as much power as you give it.
I definitely remember using my parents' divorce against my mother because she allowed me to use her guilt in that way.
I think keeping honesty in your family is going to make a huge difference in your relationship with all of your children.
j and d,
The honesty does help all of us. I have always tried to be as honest as I (reasonably and age appropriately) could with the girls through everything. Not just since we started surrogacy. It did make it easier having that history to be able to talk to the girls about this.
Cyn,
Smart words as always. :-)
I'm returning your comment, thank you for visiting me!
It sounds like you will provide a wonderful loving home for your new baby and maybe he will get angry at you but I'm sure with all the love and support that you give, he won't be angry for too long. AND I think by being up front and honest about it from the very beginning will make it easier for him too. I wish you all the best with the up coming arrival of your new baby boy!
I have a feeling that your son will know that he was created in love. And if the day ever comes that he questions that, I have a feeling that he will have been provided with the tools to know that he continues to be loved.
Best wishes for this journey for your family.
ICLW
Hello from ICLW!! I loved stopping in and reading your blog!
Being a gestational carrier 2x myself I don't think that the same issues apply but I can say, like everyone else, that kids will always find SOME way to lash out and push your buttons as they get older and strive for independence...I have a 22 year old and a 12 year old...so I do know! Don't borrow trouble now...enjoy the pregnancy and relationship with your surrogate....soon you will be holding your baby who will not be thinking of where he came from or how he got here but will only be feeling the love that is coming from his MOTHER!
Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
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