Thinking

Yesterday I found an online journal written by a boy who was conceived via traditional surrogacy. His story was very hard to read. It basically was a handbook of what not to do in my opinion. He said that he didn't know about his history until he was 13 and then was told not to tell anyone which left him feeling 'like a dirty little secret'.

We (Joe, myself and our surrogate J) have talked lots about how we will be honest about surrogacy. Our baby will grow up knowing that he has another sister in California in addition to my children. He will know about J as much as is age appropriate as time goes on. I know that some people do not believe that this is how traditional surrogacy should be. But for us this is the way we think it should be. Is it the right way to do traditional surrogacy? I don't know. I think that the families involved need to do what is best for them. That is why it is so important to go into this with the right person. Joe and I knew what we wanted. We wanted a 100% open relationship. No secrets, no surprises. We were very fortunate to find J who wanted the same thing.

Our hope and prayer is that by having this open relationship we can avoid some of the heartache that the boy in the online journal has experienced. I believe that surrogacy (both gestational and traditional) and egg donation is a wonderful thing. It should never be some dirty little secret that needs to be swept under the rug. We should be able to celebrate it and shout it from the roof tops.